FRANÇOIS AUSTRIA-HUNGARY (BRAZIL)

Name: François Austria-Hungary (Brazil)
Occupation: Human Pinball / Fork / LOOSER (than the rest) / Ape-Man Extraordinaire

TONY KAPOWZA (PLASTIC BAG)

Name: Tony Kapowza (Plastic Bag)
Occupation: Jehova's Testifier / Sex God

FLAPJACK PETERS

Name: Flapjack Peters
Occupation: King of his own island (in his house) / Informant for Mr. Ed / Guy

SAMUEL "KINDOF" MASTURBATIONSON

Name: Samuel "Kindof" Masturbationson
Occupation: Firecracker! / Army Guy / The guy who made up the name for bread

SIGNOR ALIXJONES

Name: Signor Alixjones
Occupation: Condescending Pretty Boy / Creator of the show, "Shut Up and Dance!"

ERNEST "OPAQUE" ÉTATSGÉNÉRAUX

Name: Ernest "opaque" Étatsgénéraux
Occupation: Rental Sweatshop Worker / Whore / Serial Rapist / Cereal Rapist

OSCAR "PERMANENTÉ" BREWS

Name: Oscar "Permanenté" Brews
Occupation: Buonannologist / Pees on sleeping middle aged men

ISMAEL

Name: Ismael
Occupation: Motivational Babbler / Crotchety Old Dude

WIR TANZEN

Name: Wir Tanzen
Occupation: Bike Seat-Sniffer / Dunkin' Donut / Nutcracker / Pac Man / Mark Twain / Huck Finn / Lolli-pop

GUS DAMMITT (RECYCLE)

Name: Gus Dammitt (Recycle)
Occupation: Male Actor / Investigator of the effects of child molestation ---> It gives him a perfect alibi!

FATS DEEEEMONICK

Name: Fats DEEEEmonick
Occupation: YO! / Distasteful Rationer of Socks / Dick Stickler

MILLENNIUM JOE

Name: Millennium Joe
Occupation: Creamed Sausage Boy / Former Narc / Activist for hair removal / Hair Stylist

ALVARO GOMBRÉZ

Name: Alvaro Gombréz
Occupation: Life Enthusiast / President of the "I Don't Want to Die" Society / Boring

PEABODY F. BESTUF

Name: Peabody F. Bestuf
Occupation: Ransom Note Writer (for cash) / Porn Collector (just for psychological studies)

ALIX DELIDIOTSOPHOMORE

Name: Alix DeLIdiotsophomore
Occupation: Inhaler of Burning Plastic Fumes / Masturbates with Melting Plastic / Authority Figure

BARNIE WAULKER

Name: Barnie Waulker
Occupation: Genocidal Pervert / Freelance Peeping Tom / Systematic Urine Gargler

FRANZ VANGOODGUY

Name: Franz VanGoodguy
Occupation: Sitcom Personality / Basement Dweller / Kisser of the Eleven Thieves / Scenester #017

FREDDY CONNER

Name: Freddy Conner
Occupation: Hitting Sticks with his face / Making Sweet Sweet Dams (with his face) / Dam Maker (face)

RICK RHYMES

Name: Rick Rhymes
Occupation: Krispy Kreme Maker / Messenger of Death / Massager of Death

HOWIE RONALDSON

Name: Howie Ronaldson
Occupation: Soul Train Conductor